You'll Never Change Him!

A married man? A womanizer? An alcoholic? A violent person? You'll never change him into the man of your dreams!

 

You met him on vacation and you're planning to introduce him to your parents ... First, find out whether he told you his real name. (jlp)

Don't build love on the false projections of your ideals

The sentence may sound complicated because we want to be clear and precise. We're talking about a simple mistake everyone makes, that is embellishing reality in accordance with one's desires. The most extreme case are the women who tolerate physical violence and still believe that their partners love them. From reality to such a huge error there's a whole palette of different degrees of self-deception. Let us list a few banal examples: a lover who's about to leave his wife, a drunkard who'll stop drinking next week, a cheater to whom other women mean nothing and who won't cheat on you again, a man who's afraid of commitment but is about to become serious with you etc.

Love moves in mysterious ways and emotional confusion is responsible for the blindfold that prevents you from seeing things as they are. „He's the one, he's the love of my life. Tomorrow, he'll tell his wife he wants to divorce her …“ Such sentences sound like a fairy tale to every person who isn't involved. Yes, sometimes fairy tales come true and human hope gets some confirmation once in a while, but basically fairy tales are fairy tales. An interesting phenomenon are, for example, long-distance relationships. It's especially here that our desires easily create an ideal image of a person with which we fall in love. Such relationships seldom come to be made of flesh and blood. Another frequent example are men who appear only on every second or third weekend because they have such an important career. These are all bad foundations for the emergence of love, although you may always count on a miracle.

Having sex with a guy on every third weekend can be great, but isn't a good foundation for a serious relationship. (jlp)

A word of advice

Become the best friend you have. Try to see yourself and your love from a distance, imagine that your man is your best friend's partner and that you have to give her a sincere piece of advice. When your female friends tell you fairy tales, you immediately recognize them, but you rarely do that when it comes to you.

There is a certain type of men that we can simply call "farts". These are above all men who don't have any control over their lives and who often lie, mostly to themselves, but simultaneously to the people around them. If we call women's romantic projections lies, we get an "ideal couple": two people who don't have an authentic relationship towards themselves attempt to build an honest and open interpersonal relationship that we call love. But one can't do that on the basis of lies.

There are two basic kinds of lying men. The first kind lie with the purpose of taking advantage of another person, while the second kind lie because they are weak and can't do otherwise. The first kind are usually successful and strong men who aren't looking for love, but for benefits. You recognize them by the fact that they always demand something from you but don't give much in return and that they always have a ready-made excuse or reply, that they love the present moment and that they never talk about the future.

The second type of men are all kinds of people, from alcoholics to politicians. Their main characteristic is that they need love and want it, but are unreliable and only time reveals that they're unable to love. They may even frequently discuss the future, make plans and promise you heaven, but they aren't in touch with reality. When you notice such signs, talk to someone who knows this person for a long time and collect more information. Then decide whether you are willing to try to save people from their weakness or whether this is a waste of your time. Our advice is to think things through! You probably won't be able to change him. Don't enter into a relationship with such a man unless you have a good play (not dreams) and a great amount of will-power and energy.

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